a bad mother
We like to listen to music at home, from classical to metal; the country of reggae; between the two. A good jam can ease the mood, fill the gap, and become a good excuse to do some aerobic exercise. So when I first heard James Brown drive to the "boss" to work; I can't wait to play it in my living room and play with my kids. However, I am learning that children have a way to smash your goodwill. They really know how to make your dreams disappear completely. When you try something interesting, you think they will love, but they won't. Or what they actually took from the event is not what you planned...
So I played this song; everyone enjoyed the good times. I sing my favorite lines: "Look at me! Know what you saw? You see a bad mother! A bad mother." Is Groovy right? Until I started almost three years old 坏' Bad Mother' - How do they live in the woods and say "roaring", usually a very scary little animal. Bulging! I am a bit unsafe and too worried about how people think about my parenting style.
So I [seriously] make a joke with everyone. I told them "the boss", if they heard that my child was talking about a bad mother, she wouldn't really talk about you. Hey! lovely! I lack vision; the situation is a bit poetic. Why do I feel that I am not doing well enough? - Even if I think about it, I did a great job! My child is smart, healthy and happy. We have a happy, normal family. Why is that sinful conscience? Why do I feel that I am being censored?
This is a process of getting rid of insecurity. I am learning to recognize and expose the idea of failure - self-criticism is produced by comparing myself to other mothers. My children are very happy Even if we don't do an awkward project every day. I am as good as my parents. As a person who has more time in the garden and preserves food. I will never cook: but I can learn.
On social media, we want to move our best face forward, mainly because we see it from other moms and dads. Therefore, I compare myself to people who don't exist! - They are mine. Thought What is a "perfect parent". Although I feel unsafe for these reasons, most of my time with my children is alone. Perhaps, if I have more friends and family in my daily life, I will have experienced examples and experiences based on my parenting. - not to mention suspended. I Not just my children.
It needs a village
I know that I am not the only new parent who has this feeling; I have a hunch, one of the reasons is: Parenting is more difficult than we expected, and we have lost the well-known "village".
Everyone knows this sentence: "It takes a village to raise a child." It is widely believed that this sentence originated in Africa; others believe that it originated from Native American culture. Either way, this famous proverb comes from the time and place where people live together. In this world, one's neighbors are also close friends and family; everyone is playing together, working, sad and celebrating - always together. Today, our society is divided. Most families are islands because we usually have our own mindset. I feel that the community is very scarce and makes us more and more sad.
I am eager for the era when families live and work together. As an honest and good 80-year-old child, I also longed for a time in the past: when neighbors and friends get together for barbecue and card games. - Before the Internet, TV and smartphones destroy everything. Please understand that I am not anti-technical: especially as a new parent, getting all the answers at your fingertips is a great thing. Support groups and forums are very useful. However, while having these tools has closed a long distance between us all, it can also create wedges between people in the same room, which is no secret.
We still need our aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents. They have been replaced by digital babysitters. It used to be "playing with aunts, so mom can cook." Now it is "Do you want to watch another movie? Ok, I think so..."
It's really tiring to really see people. I have to plan. Put the kids in cute clothes, bring extra things, bathe them, and load them. When we arrived at other people's homes, I spent most of my time chasing and scolding the children. There are almost no sitting or uninterrupted conversations [very needed adults]. There is confusion. We went home and had a bad temper. I temporarily gave up leaving home until they were in high school. For many children, having a healthy social life is very difficult... and I am fortunate to get more help than most people.
I can get all the help.
I am one of the lucky people: I have an amazing husband. I know that many people don't have the life-saving person, but they are stepping on the difficult parental status. [Give you a single parent: I tip.] We are very grateful to the in-laws who live on our way. They are always there and eager to help. I also thank my mother: she lives in some towns, but always comes to my assistant: I have to work or just have a bad day. These people formed my "tribe."
Although I know that I have a lot of support, it is still not enough. I want to pull my hair out for a few days. I don't want to -mom- for a while. I muttered: "I don't think I have the patience to wait for this. I don't know anything about the children. Then I have two people too close. I am scared..." I lost my temper. I shouted. I took her arm and went to the overtime chair. I growl.
So I apologize. I asked these beautiful little monsters to forgive my mother over and over again. She is doing her best. She is not like her imaginary mother, coming back when she is ignorant. She is asking: "Where is my village?!"
Realizing the struggle is real
I saw an interesting thing that read: I used to be a perfect parent and came back before I gave birth to a child. I can't say better myself. I know that the people who judge me the most severely are those who do not have their own life sentences. I know this because I used to be one of those people. "When I have children, they will never misbehave because I will be strong and consistent. Is this everything right?" I think: "People are more ignorant than me, have children every day - we got this!" I don't know that sleep is not enough, and the last drop of patience is exhausted. I have no plans to conduct potty training and public disobedience. [I have no plans to treat with a weak chronic disease, but this is the story of another article]
In the early days of my second child, I met a woman who also had two girls separated by about 15 months. When I told her that I was pregnant again, she had a very concerned expression on her face. She told me that I was overwhelmed. About such frustration, she screamed at her children. "God!" I thought, "I will never scream at my baby!!" what. Haha. what
Another close friend had a gentle breakup one night: she walked out of the house and said nothing to her child or husband, then got into the car and drove off. She stayed in a hotel room and ended her one minute of life. It was a tough time, she had finished it, and it had a brilliant color... but I asked: Where is her village?
I propose a solution
I think that as a mother, we are afraid to ask for help because it feels like acknowledgment. We don't want people to know that we have some days on our heads. We can't admit that for a second we are not a super mom 24/7. We are angry: we feel sad. Many of us take antidepressant/anxiety medications.
What do I want to do: I set my personal goals and invite a friend to my home once a week. I once complained that people will never come to see me until I realize that this may be because I did not actively invite them. I am giving priority to seeing a family member often [although it may be exhausted]. I will begin to promote group activities centered on completing daunting projects:
-
Window washing party -
Gardening party -
Wood split and piling carnival -
Canning Shindigs -
Working god in the yard
Bring wine and chocolate. Bring beer and sausage; no matter what the occasion and company requirements. Go to someone else's place next week and help them solve any project problems. Let's do it together. Not only "many people work easily," but also achieving goals with real people, no matter how big or small, is good for you, your family, and your community.
I will spend less time on social media. It makes us think we are in contact - but we are not. I will call and issue a card. This is the task I faced this summer: Encourage the other to leave home and do things together. We are going to build a village.
Orignal From: Where is my village? - Why is modern parent education bad?
No comments:
Post a Comment